童言无忌

I have written on my children before, where I waxed eloquent on how they are supremely wonderful children, and put into print an assortment of their odd and entertaining quotes.  Well, they just keep producing more and more of them; there is never a day without riotous laughter in our house. 

We homeschool our children, which means that Elizabeth spends the greater part of every day with them and doesn’t miss out on any of the bizarre and hilarious things that come out of their mouths.  Instead, she writes them down to preserve them for posterity.  We will, of course, bring these gems to light when the child in question brings home a prospective spouse.  For now, they are confined to my wife’s diary entries and the pages of Jin.

During school, the children get into decidedly odd conversations.  The discussion may start with blasphemous theology but will move swiftly into disgusting bodily functions – strange, but not unusual for this household. 

　　　　Joseph: Now I’m going to tell you a story about hot dogs.  One hot dog said, “I’m the Creator of the Earth”.

       Esther: Joseph!  You know good and well that God is the Creator of the Earth!  Was this hot   dog a Believer?

       Joseph: Not sure.  But afterwards it was butchered and bled out.

       Esther: You can’t butcher a hot dog.  It has to be alive for you to butcher it. 

       Joseph: How do pigs mate?

       Hannah: Stop being annoying.  I don’t want to talk about this.  Hey, look at this!  I found this in     my ear.

       Esther: That’s revolting.

　　Hannah: Hey, guys!  There may be other people eating lollypops right now!

       Joseph: Maybe there’s someone in the world eating coal right now. 

       Esther: No, Joseph.  That would make your mouth black.

       Joseph: Is that true?

       Esther: It certainly is, Joseph.  How about we change the subject?  Let’s talk about banks.  In       the olden days, people put money in a goldsmith’s shop, because it was safe there. 

       Joseph: That’s weird.  Hey, I want to know more about the human body.  And diseases.

       Esther: How about we change the subject?

       Hannah: How about we talk about bathrooms?